Building Longer Tables: What Family, Resilience, and Legacy Taught Me About Success
What is the measure of a life? How do you define if a life is successful?
I recently read Change the Recipe: Because You Can't Build a Better World Without Breaking Some Eggs by José Andrés and Richard Wolffe. In the book José talks about building longer tables in order to focus on inclusion, sharing resources, and welcoming others rather than slipping into division or isolation. In an era dominated by AI and digital noise, people need people. We have to actively choose human connection and community.
Generational Roots: Crafting a Chosen Family
This concept of "longer tables" hit home for me because it’s written in my DNA. My great-grandmother grew up in an orphanage in France and had my grandmother out of wedlock with an American GI in France during World War I. Raised in the French countryside by host families, neither my great-grandmother nor my grandmother grew up with a map for what a traditional nuclear family should look like.
Instead, my grandmother built her own map. She loved hosting anyone and everyone for dinner, surrounding herself with friends who became family to fill the void where traditional family was missing. Three generations later, I am still inviting friends that are family to the table and creating memories in a family we have chosen.
Twelve Years of Building a Life Together
My husband and I recently celebrated 12 years of marriage, Jackie’s birthday, and our 18th Faux Thanksgiving. It got me thinking about the life we have built together.
We have purchased two houses. We somehow stayed married during remodels of both homes, which is truly an accomplishment. We have gone through 4 couches thanks to our dog, Sammy. A leaky fish tank gave us new wood floors. James built a bar, a tree house, and a zipline, and we turned a basement closet into Jackie’s music studio.
We have traveled a lot, starting with our honeymoon to South Africa, then to Las Vegas, Alaska, France, the Philippines, Boston, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Hawaii, Oregon, Florida, NYC, Virginia Beach, Los Angeles, Italy, Salt Lake City, Montana, Mexico, Florida, Wisconsin, South Carolina, and New Hampshire.
Weathering Life’s Storms and Season Changes
We persevered through my dad’s sobriety journey, my parents’ divorce, my Mom’s breast cancer, Grandma Jean passing away, moving Mom 4 times, a global pandemic, my stroke, Mom’s Alzheimer’s journey, losing Pepper and Robbie (cats).
Through every high and low, our wider table kept growing. We watched James’ sister graduate, date, get married, and have a baby. We celebrated many Dinsmore Girls weekends together. We watched my cousin also graduate, date, get married, and have a baby. We have shared countless memories with our families including 18 Faux Thanksgivings.
Our professional lives evolved as well. James’ love of golf has grown, along with several golf tournament wins. I returned to horseback riding in 2020, and we now own a horse, Senator.
Everyday Magic: Watching Jackie Grow
At the center of our table is Jackie. Jackie has added Ginger (the hamster) and Violet (the newest cat) as well as countless fish to our lives. Jackie went through daycare and transitioned to elementary school. She has gone from swim lessons to an expert swimmer. Jackie has gone from diapers to fully potty trained, which felt impossible along the way. We have spent so much time at the park across the street; people call Jackie the mayor of the park. Jackie survived one squirrel attack at the park. There have been many snowstorms and sledding at the park. There have been countless visits from the tooth fairy. One of Jackie’s favorite toys was a yellow bus that has now been passed down to her cousin. We hosted 9 birthday parties at our house. We see so many foxes that Jackie has deemed them her spirit animal. She loves attending day camp every summer. She loves Take Your Child to Work days and s’mores by a fire pit. Jackie loves carnival rides and family game nights. She has started doing sleepovers with her friends instead of just playdates. In the summer, we love to run through the sprinkler in the backyard. We got to pet sit the science class turtle for a summer.
We have protested together. We witnessed our country’s first female Vice President! We watched a mating pair of bald eagles hatch an eaglet in the backyard of our house in Maryland. We had an albino squirrel, a great horned owl, and tree frogs also living in our backyard.
Defining True Success
A lot has happened in what seems like such a short amount of time. I am grateful and lucky that James and Jackie stuck with me, even when I didn’t prioritize them in my life. José Andrés was right: life is measured by the size of your table. True success isn't written on a resume or measured by material possessions. It’s defined by the emotional support we lend to those we love, the human connections we nurture, and the memories we create together.
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