Foreboding Joy

I am currently reading Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. In it she defines the experience of Foreboding Joy: "If you're afraid to lean into good news, wonderful moments, and joy- if you find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop- you are not alone. It's called "foreboding joy," and most of us experience it."

I have probably said the phrase "waiting for the other shoe to drop" over 1,000 times in my life. I'm not a doomsday prepper (no offense to the doomsday preppers), but I was prepared for so many eventualities- if I was ever involved in an active shooting, if someone around me ever needed CPR or first aid, if someone were drowning, if someone were choking- I had taken the trainings and certifications and recertifications. I had also made sure our estate documents were in order, in case James ever died unexpectedly. I never considered if I died or nearly died! I certainly didn't know that a 3mm blood vessel had secretly grown in my brain just waiting around to one day bleed.

Please don't read this and go request a brain MRI (unless you are experiencing the worst headache of your life). My realization is that reading about Foreboding Joy, I haven't experienced this since December 2023. Although I don't know for certain, I suspect it's because I've experienced the closet of shoes dropping simultaneously on my head in a way no one would have ever predicted and I am ok. I made it.

I am not sure I experience pure joy more because I experience Foreboding Joy less, but Brené goes on to say "everyone who showed a deep capacity for joy had one thing in common: They practiced gratitude...the people who lean into joy use the quiver as a reminder to practice gratitude."

So I am resolving to lean into joy more. No one is a better instructor than my 7 year old daughter!

What brings you joy?