Question the Default

As a Legal Operations professional, my daily job is to actively listen and find ways to do a process more efficiently. Every day at work I end up asking questions about the default path that legal work follows.

Since 2019, I have been studying leadership and growing professionally by gathering feedback and conducting self assessments. In doing so, I have quit most social media, found Bullet Journaling, and wrote a list of personal goals. I consider myself to be self aware (I know I can get really hangry, that I probably have OCD, and that I tend to be impatient).

All this to say that in 2015, when James and I had been married for 1 year and had a dog and a cat, we both got promotions at work. We sort of entrenched ourselves in those roles- I was commuting into New York City every day and James was traveling for work at least once a month. Sunday night dinners became our planning session for who was going where and when that week.

In 2017, I got pregnant which was very exciting since we had been trying to conceive for about a year. In late October, we became parents! James took one week off work and I took almost 3 months. When it came time to go back to work, I didn't question the default. All the working parents that I knew their lives were chaos so our life just became chaos. James would drive me to the train, drop Jackie off at daycare, and repeat the pick ups in the afternoon. When he was traveling, I did drop off and then typically ran to the NJ Transit train. I felt perpetually tired, overworked, and underperforming as a Mom and at my job.

I would often drive to Hartford, CT for work and I would pump while driving in the car and taking work calls. At one point, Jackie was home sick from daycare and James was traveling. I took a work call while breast feeding Jackie and then our dog needed to go out, so I took Jackie on the Boppy pillow while still feeding and on a work call down the stairs. The dog ended up in front of me and I fell down the stairs. I 'gracefully' hung up the work call, made sure Jackie was ok, and just cried on the floor. I would later find out that I tore a tendon in my left foot during the call, but I never got it treated. I got up wiped my tears and let the dog out and then took Jackie to the pediatrician.

COVID changed so many things for so many people and we were no different. I made it my mission after COVID to continue having dinner with James and Jackie each night, but I would log back on to work after dinner or Jackie's bedtime if I needed to.

In mid-December 2023 after my stroke, Jackie asked me one day if I needed to stop playing in order to take a work call. I told her no because I wouldn't be working for a few months. She said 'YES!' and did a Tiger Woods style fist pump. That was the start of my awakening.

I have now come to realize that being a working parent doesn't have to be chaos. You can actually find a healthier balance between work and life, especially if you are a workaholic (like me). If you are unhappy about the current pace of your life, it is in your power to fix it.

What is one thing you could change today to help you have a happier tomorrow?