The horses that saved me

My Mom rode horses near Washington, D.C. as a child. So, when April and I were kids, she suggested we try horseback riding. From the ages of 6 to 12, I rode ponies at Miles River Pony Farm. It taught me a lot about love, responsibility, respect, discipline, and the overall joy of being able to go to a pony farm once a week.

For the uninitiated a horse or pony farm typically has a dirt road leading up to a large barn. There is usually some type of fenced arena or ring close by where people exercise the horses. The barn typically has cement walkways between the stalls. It smells like hay, wood chips, horse dander, and poop. The horses are kept in stalls which are typically 12 feet by 12 feet. There are usually buckets hanging in the stall for water. On the outside of the stall, often hangs a small clothesline to hold the horse's blankets or fly mask. As a child, I never had to worry about getting something dirty at the barn because everything was already dirty. Also, going to a barn is an open invitation to get dirty, so you can't get in trouble for getting covered in dirt or horsehair.

In 2020, after years of wanting to horseback ride again, I started taking lessons at a local barn in New Jersey. I was hooked all over again. I enjoyed getting to know the different horses and their eccentricities (just like people). I appreciated the smell and the atmosphere of the barn again. After 2 years, I decided to switch to a different barn. In the summer of 2022, I started riding at Crewe Hill Stables and it was like I found home.

I rode a few different horses from 2022-2024, but I spent the most time riding Kansas. He is an older Paint gelding that has been at Crewe Hill for many years. In fact, his paint markings have faded, and he is mostly a gray horse now. Kansas and I were typically the oldest pair in the ring when we rode. We walked, trotted, and cantered. We would also jump cross rails and if he was feeling really good, we would jump a vertical. I enjoyed grooming him and giving him baths with warm water for his old muscles. I would also take him out in the pasture to graze. We had definitely formed a bond.

Kansas and I rode in some of the horse shows held at Crewe Hill (at my age I no longer want to do more serious horse shows), even winning Champion and Reserve Champion for our classes. I had a stack of ribbons again just like when I was a kid. Prior to December 2023, I was considering throwing away some of the ribbons (from our lower-ranked finishes). On December 11, 2023, when I came home from the hospital, I saw the ribbons and was very thankful I had not thrown any out. Every time I saw those ribbons they motivated me to get better and get back to riding.

I was not cleared by my neurologist or neurosurgeon to ride until May 2024, so I would go to the barn and groom Kansas and give him treats (baby carrots and peppermints). Some days this brought me joy. Other days visiting the barn with my cane and not being able to ride sunk me deeper into darkness. Once I was cleared to ride, Jessie (barn owner and trainer) and I came up with a plan to ease me back into the saddle. I only rode Kansas. He was so good for me and my soul even on his stubborn days. I started riding at least 2 days a week and got stronger. As often happens in riding, I started to outgrow (in skill) Kansas, which is emotional but inevitable.

By August 2024, Jessie started putting me on more challenging horses. I started a half-lease with a horse named Toffee, a sweet chestnut gelding. I was riding 3 days a week and really getting to know Toffee's personality and riding style. In late November, Jessie suggested I ride a horse named The Senator. Senator is a chestnut Belgian Warmblood and as of this writing is 26 years young. He is a former champion hunter. At first, I was unsure about Senator. I had just started to really get comfortable with Toffee. I still missed Kansas. I just wasn't sure about opening my heart, which was still healing, to Senator. In mid-December, Jessie let me know Senator was for sale. Buying a horse was a lifelong dream of mine, but so far out of reach (I assumed) that I never even put it on our goals list. On the other hand, I was 1-year post-stroke and 10 months post brain surgery and thought 'what the hell am I thinking buying a horse?' James and I had many discussions. Jessie, patiently, answered questions from me for a few weeks. In January of this year, I purchased Senator.

I am Senator's third owner in 15 years. He has spent the last 15 years at Crewe Hill. Senator is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. When I started riding him, I hadn't gotten my confidence back yet and I didn't fully trust my body again. You could see it in my slumped posture and my walk. Now I walk into the barn shoulders held high with a purposeful stride. He raises his eyes to look at me and then for his favorite treat (Mrs. Pastures). I probably spend more time grooming him than actually riding. I've learned that, like most chestnuts, he has sensitive skin (they are like the redheads of the horse world- go figure). His hair is starting to shed, a sign of his winter coat coming in, which can be itchy. Everyone at the barn knows his name, so Senator is a great name for him. He is a very expressive horse moving his left front leg to request treats or if he wants to come in from turnout. He is picky about the grass he eats. Even at his most cranky he won't buck or kick. He loves to lick your hand after a ride. He is a textbook hunter, knowing when he needs to change his lead at the canter and a calm temperament in the ring. He is also the best listener.

I had not done a Crewe Hill show since my stroke, but Senator and I rode in June and as you can see in the picture, we won some ribbons! I had worked with Jessie for a few weeks before the show because I was so nervous. I asked a friend to take pictures while I was riding because I didn't have any pictures of the last show I had done prior to my stroke.

I was nervous and unsure about taking the leap of faith to buy a horse. Senator has saved me. I would not have healed as quickly without him. I am so thankful to Senator, Jessie, and the universe for bringing us together!

What are your hidden life-long dreams? Perhaps it's time to go for them!