The perception or illusion I have about my average life

I started writing this post last night in my paper notebook, as I do with all my first drafts. The draft started as a post about being average (at basically all things in life) and then I had a realization that perhaps I am not average but see myself as average. This led me back to a recent conversation I had with my therapist about not filling my seat at the table and not realizing my significant impact in different settings. So here is the perception or illusion I have about my average life.

Pros of being average:

• You don’t have any preconceived notions as a child about what you are destined to be in life. My softball and field hockey skills were never going to pay the bills.

• There is no additional pressure regarding your academic brilliance. I was always placed in college prep classes instead of AP.

• There is less societal pressure to follow in the footsteps of your rich or highly successful family members. There was not a roadmap for a specific college or career.

Cons of being average:

• You must create or find a path for yourself. This tends to be daunting and more work.

• No one expects much from you.

• There are no scholarships for an average student to go to an average college to graduate and be average. Although maybe there should be.

I didn’t grow up with a lot of money. I wasn’t exceptionally good at school. I was not very good at sports. There was no required path for me to take. As a child, I was jealous of the abilities of others and the success they were likely to have. I realize now that there can be freedom to being average if you use it.

I believe that anyone who knew me as a child or teen would be shocked at the life and career, I have built for myself (although I am going to make some phone calls to corroborate this). I think the probability of me being this successful from my very average life is low.

Being average gave me grit, determination, drive, and perseverance. I may have been average at a lot of things, but I always showed up and practiced. I didn’t know what I would do when I grew up or how I would do it, but my parents taught me that if I worked hard success had to come. That hard work didn’t pay off in school or sports or college, but it did once I started my career.

It took me some time to find legal as my career. When I was very young, I played teacher with April. At some point, I was given an old plastic briefcase, so I pretended to be a lawyer. In high school, I wanted to pursue public relations. I changed colleges once and majors at least 5 times. I figured out along the way a bunch of stuff I didn’t want to do. I made camp my business internship, which in hindsight taught me more than any other internship would have, but it was not a resumé builder. I liked my business of law class in college. I decided to get my paralegal certificate and work as a paralegal. In 2006, I moved to northern New Jersey with some friends and that move likely changed the trajectory of my life. It greatly improved my earning potential. It forced me to break free from some of the ‘small-town, won’t amount to much’ mentality. It also eventually led me to James.

Once I started my career in law, I immediately got great performance reviews, raises, and bonuses. I was no longer average because I could work harder. I took the time to truly understand the cases I worked on to assist on strategy and provide greater purpose for my work. I was no longer average because I could provide insight and strategy. I also learned that I could develop professionally in my own way and on my own time outside of traditional educational institutions. I became a valued leader because of the leadership knowledge I sought out and retained over a decade. There are not many people who can say they have studied leadership for over 10 years!

I am still learning, still growing, still under construction, and still trying to build the confidence to fill my seat at the table.