To Violet, with love

Spoiler alert: cats do not have 9 lives. I grew up with pets, but my parents typically took them 'over the rainbow bridge' at the vet without my sister and I. Thank you Mom and Dad for saving me from that trauma.

On March 22, 2024 (after my stroke and brain surgery), my ride or die cat, Pepper, died after a 1 day decline from a series of blood clots. While they were checking him out at the ER vet, he had a blood clot in his brain (confirmed by the feline neurologist, even Pepper had a neurologist). Around 9pm, James and I sat on a couch in a side room and held Pepper as they put him to sleep. I felt like he had been there for me, so I wanted to be there for him. I still have a Pepper-sized hole in my heart. We got him cremated and he now sits in a box along with his picture and collar on the shelf in my office. I still occasionally talk to him or hold the box, over a year later. He was our cat for 9 years, after inheriting him from a friend who passed away. We had Pepper before we had Jackie.

We took some time to grieve. Jackie was only 6, losing Pepper was her first significant loss. Unfortunately, we were not able to warn her that Pepper might die before going to the ER vet because we didn't know he might die that day. It was a gut punch, just when it felt like we were starting to reach some calm, some leveling out of tragedy and trauma.

So, after a few weeks and a trip to Mexico for spring break, Jackie felt ready to get another cat. James, I think, was also ready. I was definitely not ready. I had picked Pepper up after my friend spent weeks in hospice care, he slept by me every single night. I wasn't sure I would have the same bond with a new cat.

In April, we went to St. Hubert's (where we had adopted Sammy, our dog) and found Robbie. He was 6 years old (the same as Pepper when we got him), obese (also like Pepper when we got him), and purred when you entered his orbit (also like Pepper). Robbie never filled the Pepper-sized hole in our hearts, but he caused our hearts to grow bigger to make a Robbie-sized place in them.

Robbie became the center of Jackie's world. He slept (voluntarily) with her every night. He would retreat under Jackie's bed if Sammy came into the room. Jackie got a t-shirt (thank you Liz!) of Robbie's pictures on it! Her end of year gift to her classmates was a picture of Robbie. I had some difficulty bonding with him at first, but when he started sitting on my lap during the workday he won me over. Although, when he climbed off my lap on to the keyboard, I would have to quickly turn the keyboard off before he Teams called someone. We celebrated his birthday in December and his gotcha-day this past April.

In May, he started throwing up and at first, we didn't think much of it because Pepper threw up quite often. We mentioned it during one of our routine vet visits. It turned out he had a tumor in his intestinal tract. After weekly vet visits for most of June, we determined (along with the vet) the rate at which he was declining made him a poor candidate for surgery. So, in mid-July while James was away and Jackie at day camp, I took Robbie to our vet and held him and talked to him while they put him to sleep. This time we had communicated with Jackie what was happening and how Robbie was suffering (he had stopped eating and drinking). Our hearts broke again, and it felt compounded having lost Pepper in 2024. Jackie was inconsolable at losing her best friend. I regretted not bonding with him sooner. So now Robbie's ashes, with his picture and collar are next to Pepper on my shelf (yes, I am out of room on my shelf).

After that Jackie said she didn't want to get another cat (which we understood), so we purchased Ginger the 4-month old Syrian hamster. Jackie made mazes, tunnels, and ramps for Ginger. We have a pack and play for Ginger to safely roam in. I don't think Ginger filled the Robbie-sized hole in Jackie's heart. As I learned with Pepper, the next pet never does.

So, in September, we adopted Violet (and you didn't think this would tie into the title). Jackie, once again, picked her out at St. Hubert's. Violet is a young, skinny, female cat, not the cat I was expecting Jackie to pick. This time though, I was ready for a new cat. Well Violet has entered our lives, and she is keeping us on our toes. Two nights ago, she was on top of Ginger's cage at 2am (no hamsters were injured in the making of this post). On Saturday, she was on top of the downstairs fish tank while James was feeding them. I am overjoyed to report though that last night, she was curled up in bed with Jackie!

I remain hopeful that we will get more time with Violet than we did with Robbie, statistics are on our side. I am also going to work on bonding with Violet faster than I did with Robbie. I no longer feel like the world is out to get me. People have strokes, cats die and 'shit happens.' And our hearts have grown again to let this tiny female with a huge personality inside.

How do you remain hopeful in times of loss?