Work to Live

As mentioned before, at some point in mid-December 2023, I was on the couch in our living room talking to Jackie and my Mom. I believe I had checked my phone and started to get up from the couch. Jackie asked me 'Mom, are you going to make a work call?' Jackie is extremely observant so something I did in that moment was similar to my behavior before I get on a work call. I sat back down and I told her that because of everything that had happened, I wouldn't be working for a few months. Her unfiltered reaction was a standing fist pump accompanied by an audible 'Yes!' That moment struck me.

I won't say that it was an instantaneous awareness of my workaholic ways. As my Bullet Journal entries show- I was still occasionally checking email, doing an AI certification, and all of my reading was still professionally focused. But, as the weeks progressed it stuck with me. As did my realization of the total disregard for my health prior to my seizure event- taking 11+ meetings in the span of 2 days while my brain was bleeding.

When I started therapy I remember asking if we could focus on reframing my relationship with work. She encouraged me to go on Spring Break without my laptop or work email on my phone, so I did. I haven't brought those items since! I had taken them on every vacation for the 14 years I had been with James, I even did work on our honeymoon!

I would also share with my therapist what I was reading and it was always work related. She once asked 'don't you ever just read for fun.' I think my response was something like 'it is fun.' Wrong! I had coerced myself into thinking it was fun.

I went back to work in mid-March 2024 part-time for 2 weeks. I was nervous about going back. Was I ready? Could I actually be protective of my health and my personal life? I planned to work Monday-Friday 8am-12pm. After the first few hours, I was exhausted. Within a few days though I was working full-time not the part-time schedule I had put in place for myself. I was also quite focused on doing what I could in order to get the promotion I was supposed to have received in December 2023.

I had started to realize though that the new path I was seeking for myself was not in line with the values of the company I was working for.

I started to receive messages from recruiters for intro calls or interviews. Initially, I said no. As time went on though, I though it wouldn't hurt to see what was out there. My therapist said it was ok to look and possibly even get a new job as long as I committed to staying true to my new values.

I ended up getting 2 offers, which I realize in this market was very lucky. I let both companies know I wouldn't work during my vacation and my availability at nights or on the weekends was not unlimited. I did not share with either company my recent stroke or brain surgery. I realize that my ability to 'cover' my health issues comes from a place of privilege. I have now told my employer and my team about my health issues.

I have now been at my new job for a year. I have successfully been able to keep up my boundaries, but it takes regular discussion with my therapist and check ins with myself. The really good news is that I have received positive reinforcement of my new work behaviors- receiving good reviews and accomplishing my goals. I have also found that I return to work after my vacation (not working or checking email) more refreshed and creative than when I left.

I still spend at least 5 minutes of each therapy session confirming that I've kept my boundaries in place and that I'm prioritizing my life over work. Working to live instead of living to work.

What is something in your life you would like to re-prioritize?