If you’re going through hell…

We have all heard this phrase: If you’re going through hell, keep going. The phrase is often attributed to Winston Churchill.

James, Jackie, and I have all come to the realization over the last week that Mom living with us is getting easier. The exit from the honeymoon period/excitement of Grandma moving in was rough. I felt a bit overwhelmed by our new reality. Jackie felt like she wasn’t as excited when we went to Maryland because Mom was no longer there to visit. Additionally, Jackie felt like Mom living with us all the time changed their relationship from being one of short but meaningful visits to almost siblings. We had several weeks of me talking to my therapist and seeking extra support for Jackie during the rough patch.

I’m not sure I would recommend ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’ unless I add ‘with others and a fair amount of coping mechanisms.’ I am not endorsing that you give up, but I think the issue in our individualistic society is this assumption that you should just put your head down and plow through- alone and despite depression and/or anxiety. Going through hell alone and ignoring your emotions is the worst thing you could do- I know this from experience. I tried to go it alone after having a stroke, getting deeply depressed, adding anxiety over an impending surgery, and then isolating myself in the hospital for 10 days before/after brain surgery. I had started to go back to work a few weeks after surgery, pretending as if nothing had happened, when literally everything in my life changed. A nurse navigator at my insurance company recommended I get help and even provided me with a list of therapists and that was my first realization that I wasn’t going to be able to do this on my own.

The part that I do appreciate is that it encourages you to keep going, which as we learned over the last few weeks does have value. Persevering through the rough patch has helped us to get to a better place. Ensuring we have all the coping mechanisms we need in place will help us continue to persevere.

How do you cope? How do you persevere?